We are seeing very distinct changes happening to Kenny in the last couple of days. He is much weaker, is eating less and is increasingly inattentive. It is incredibly difficult to get his attention. He appears to not even hear but in actuality he is simply "in another world" most of the time. He is not in any more pain that he has been for the last 5-6 months. The methadone seems to be doing a more than adequate job of keeping the pain level down. As I stated the other day, he is sleeping more every day. Some nights he will sleep the entire night - as many as 15 hours a night sometimes; other nights he will be up four or five times, asking me what I am doing, which does not elicit an extremely sweet response at 3 AM. Other times he has to go to the "loo", as he says occasionally. Last night he talked all night...the entire night. It amazes me that in his sleep he has such a strong clear voice and awake, I am barely able to understand him sometimes. Curiouser and curiouser! He appears to worry a lot about his medications. This may spring from the fact that he has had so many to take for so many years that he had to be constantly vigilant about "pill time" for him and for Hyrtha. He told Ginger the other day that I was not giving him his meds like I was supposed to. Hell, my whole life is predicated on his medicine schedule. My alarm on my phone goes off every four hours for his methadone, alone. When I asked him why in the world he told Ginger that, he just looked at me and grinned. The old devil! He still shows his sense of humor occasionally. This morning, however, he was totally lacking in a sense of humor as he gave me hell for trying to keep him from falling on his face in the bathroom. He said I "rode his a-- all the time for no good reason." He says he will do what he thinks he should do. I try to remind him that Dr. Charlie told him that his mind lies to him all the time about what he is able to do. That is why he fractured five ribs in December. Well, that wasn't what he was talking about.
Ginger and I both had to tell him Tuesday that it was not practical for him to expect to get stronger. He keeps saying, "I just seem to be getting weaker." I just broke my heart to have to say, "Papa, you cannot expect to get stronger. It is just not going to happen." But it really upsets him. And boy have we seen him growing weaker this week. Loren Bulla, our Hospice Chaplain, was here today and expressed dismay at the change he saw in three weeks. He is so ready to "go home." He asked me how long I thought it would be. I told him that I hoped for his sake it would not be long. He is so tired of life as it is now. Kenny asked that we pray the Jesus will come and take him home so he can be with Hyrtha again. It is my prayer that he will go to sleep and wake up in Heaven. Please make that your prayer as well. God bless all of you for your faithfulness to us.
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