We are seeing very distinct changes happening to Kenny in the last couple of days. He is much weaker, is eating less and is increasingly inattentive. It is incredibly difficult to get his attention. He appears to not even hear but in actuality he is simply "in another world" most of the time. He is not in any more pain that he has been for the last 5-6 months. The methadone seems to be doing a more than adequate job of keeping the pain level down. As I stated the other day, he is sleeping more every day. Some nights he will sleep the entire night - as many as 15 hours a night sometimes; other nights he will be up four or five times, asking me what I am doing, which does not elicit an extremely sweet response at 3 AM. Other times he has to go to the "loo", as he says occasionally. Last night he talked all night...the entire night. It amazes me that in his sleep he has such a strong clear voice and awake, I am barely able to understand him sometimes. Curiouser and curiouser! He appears to worry a lot about his medications. This may spring from the fact that he has had so many to take for so many years that he had to be constantly vigilant about "pill time" for him and for Hyrtha. He told Ginger the other day that I was not giving him his meds like I was supposed to. Hell, my whole life is predicated on his medicine schedule. My alarm on my phone goes off every four hours for his methadone, alone. When I asked him why in the world he told Ginger that, he just looked at me and grinned. The old devil! He still shows his sense of humor occasionally. This morning, however, he was totally lacking in a sense of humor as he gave me hell for trying to keep him from falling on his face in the bathroom. He said I "rode his a-- all the time for no good reason." He says he will do what he thinks he should do. I try to remind him that Dr. Charlie told him that his mind lies to him all the time about what he is able to do. That is why he fractured five ribs in December. Well, that wasn't what he was talking about.
Ginger and I both had to tell him Tuesday that it was not practical for him to expect to get stronger. He keeps saying, "I just seem to be getting weaker." I just broke my heart to have to say, "Papa, you cannot expect to get stronger. It is just not going to happen." But it really upsets him. And boy have we seen him growing weaker this week. Loren Bulla, our Hospice Chaplain, was here today and expressed dismay at the change he saw in three weeks. He is so ready to "go home." He asked me how long I thought it would be. I told him that I hoped for his sake it would not be long. He is so tired of life as it is now. Kenny asked that we pray the Jesus will come and take him home so he can be with Hyrtha again. It is my prayer that he will go to sleep and wake up in Heaven. Please make that your prayer as well. God bless all of you for your faithfulness to us.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Home again, home again
After a week in the mountains at Eagle Rock, coming back to Murrells Inlet was a source of some confusion for Kenny. He was unsure of where he was. This past week has been a bit better except that he seems concerned that he is too weak to do certain things and does not grasp the concept that he is not ever going to be strong again. In truth, he is weaker every week; however, he still hangs in there. We are seeing a change in his sleep habits. With the exception of when I am not here, he sleeps through the night and many days awakes around midday. He sleeps much of the day in his recliner also. His appetite is waning a bit, except for sweets and breakfast. If he had his way, he would eat breakfast three times a day and have dessert at the end of each meal. Not a bad idea, actually.
Our week in the mountains was good for all of us because we felt a sense of accomplishment when he was able to sleep in his room that we had so meticulously planned. We did learn that the small shower (our only option for that particular bathroom) is not especially easy to use. We still have some adjustments to make to the shower mechanism itself. He and I nearly drowned giving him a shower but it was good for a laugh.
This last weekend, Larry and I went back up on Thursday (and came home on Saturday) to finish some furniture refinishing for Kenny's room. It was easily done and we both commented that furniture refinishing is a lot easier in 2009 than it was in 1967 and 68 when he and I and my mama did so much antiqueing (is that a word?) of old furniture. It was a many step procedure then. Today, once the piece is cleaned up, you can do it in one step. Now Papa has two small bed stands in his room that do not take up as much space as the original ones did. Larry was in his element. He should have been a woman. He loves nick-nacks (that was never on the spelling list)that go with decorating. He also loves to shop, a point of contention, I might add. I am not one for spending hours perusing shelves and aisles looking for bargains. I want to know where it is, get it, pay for it and go home. What is wrong with this picture? Anyway, we had a good time shopping together, something that we seldom get to do anymore.
I frequently say how much I appreciate all of you and your concern and your prayers. This weekend past was not a good weekend for most of our children to help us out by staying with Kenny so we had planned to leave about noon on Thursday and just come home late Friday. (You do what you can with what you have, don't you?) Larry was walking to the house in Conway after leaving our Suburban to be worked on and Kathy Faircloth, from our church, gave him a ride. He was talking on the phone (Say it isn't so!) and explaining that we would not be able to stay as long doing work in the new house because we had to get back to Papa. Kathy heard the conversation and offered to come over Saturday morning and stay when Jessie left so that we could stay a day longer. What a giving spirit she has! We were just overwhelmed by her kindness. God has been so good to us. He has showered us with blessings, many times when we least expect them. So many of those blessings are you all and your caring spirits. Thank you.
As most of you have gathered, we are just plodding along day by day, some more difficult than others. Most, though, are fairly good days, considering his condition. Thus far, Kenny has little pain from the cancer, few inconveniences due to incontinence and such, and few sleepless nights, so I consider that we are fortunate. It is my prayer for Kenny, that when his time comes, he will simply go to sleep and wake up in Jesus's arms. That might be next week, next month or next year. Nothing surprises me with him anymore. What a sense of survival he has! I guess that's why he will be 91 his next birthday. Keep us all in your prayers, please, as we keep you in ours. God bless each of you.
Our week in the mountains was good for all of us because we felt a sense of accomplishment when he was able to sleep in his room that we had so meticulously planned. We did learn that the small shower (our only option for that particular bathroom) is not especially easy to use. We still have some adjustments to make to the shower mechanism itself. He and I nearly drowned giving him a shower but it was good for a laugh.
This last weekend, Larry and I went back up on Thursday (and came home on Saturday) to finish some furniture refinishing for Kenny's room. It was easily done and we both commented that furniture refinishing is a lot easier in 2009 than it was in 1967 and 68 when he and I and my mama did so much antiqueing (is that a word?) of old furniture. It was a many step procedure then. Today, once the piece is cleaned up, you can do it in one step. Now Papa has two small bed stands in his room that do not take up as much space as the original ones did. Larry was in his element. He should have been a woman. He loves nick-nacks (that was never on the spelling list)that go with decorating. He also loves to shop, a point of contention, I might add. I am not one for spending hours perusing shelves and aisles looking for bargains. I want to know where it is, get it, pay for it and go home. What is wrong with this picture? Anyway, we had a good time shopping together, something that we seldom get to do anymore.
I frequently say how much I appreciate all of you and your concern and your prayers. This weekend past was not a good weekend for most of our children to help us out by staying with Kenny so we had planned to leave about noon on Thursday and just come home late Friday. (You do what you can with what you have, don't you?) Larry was walking to the house in Conway after leaving our Suburban to be worked on and Kathy Faircloth, from our church, gave him a ride. He was talking on the phone (Say it isn't so!) and explaining that we would not be able to stay as long doing work in the new house because we had to get back to Papa. Kathy heard the conversation and offered to come over Saturday morning and stay when Jessie left so that we could stay a day longer. What a giving spirit she has! We were just overwhelmed by her kindness. God has been so good to us. He has showered us with blessings, many times when we least expect them. So many of those blessings are you all and your caring spirits. Thank you.
As most of you have gathered, we are just plodding along day by day, some more difficult than others. Most, though, are fairly good days, considering his condition. Thus far, Kenny has little pain from the cancer, few inconveniences due to incontinence and such, and few sleepless nights, so I consider that we are fortunate. It is my prayer for Kenny, that when his time comes, he will simply go to sleep and wake up in Jesus's arms. That might be next week, next month or next year. Nothing surprises me with him anymore. What a sense of survival he has! I guess that's why he will be 91 his next birthday. Keep us all in your prayers, please, as we keep you in ours. God bless each of you.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I am ready to chew nails...!
This is the second time I have started this "dad gum" blog. I am on my son-in-law's computer and it keeps sending me somewhere else and the last time I could not find my way back. We are in Beech Mountain, North Carolina, finishing up our 15-16 month building project. We brought Kenny with us and he has done really well. He continues to be very confused. This confusion seems to be the result of the metatasis of the cancer from the bladder to the liver. According to Ginger, his nurse, the liver toxins will cause confusion and confused he is. We have had episodes prior to this, but this is a day to day happening. He was not sure where he was or why we were here. He thought we encountered some kind of emergency on the trip up here and wanted to know what the paramedics had to say. He thought Larry was going back to the Inlet yesterday when he went to town. But I will say that he is sleeping through the night and sleeping a total of 14-15 hours at night. He awakes about 6:30 or 7:00 AM very wet but alert and ready to get dry and go back to sleep. When he gets up later, he is far more alert than before. At this time (5:30 PM) he is dozing on the sofa between ready his novel and the Charlotte Observer.
We are having glorious weather here - 70s versus 90s at home. We have had rain, of course, but all the windows are open and I am glorying in the cool air. We are here for a week to locate and iron out any "bugs" prior to turning the house over to the realtor for rentals. It is a great house, if I do say so myself. We have picked up some real bargains to furnish it and the furnishings are really special, I think. We hope the renters will agree. I will say that the kitchen is just fabulous. I love it and am going to hate to leave.
Kenny seems to be winding down. He spends much more time sleeping. Our quest is to make his last months or weeks or days as comfortable and as pleasant as possible. He is reliving much of his life in California - hunting, fishing, boating. Each "fantasy" is somehow related to one of those things and it continues for days. But at the same time he seems to be very present. It is an oddity to me. He knows people but doesnt remember present circumstances.
We are presently, as of two days ago, battling blood clots in the urine. Our really important goal now is to keep that bladder irrigated so that the clots continue to come out rather than blocking the ureter. We do not want to have to hospitalize him which we might have to do if we have to catherize him, so please pray that we will be able to avoid that. We will keep you posted as we go on. Stay tuned....
We are having glorious weather here - 70s versus 90s at home. We have had rain, of course, but all the windows are open and I am glorying in the cool air. We are here for a week to locate and iron out any "bugs" prior to turning the house over to the realtor for rentals. It is a great house, if I do say so myself. We have picked up some real bargains to furnish it and the furnishings are really special, I think. We hope the renters will agree. I will say that the kitchen is just fabulous. I love it and am going to hate to leave.
Kenny seems to be winding down. He spends much more time sleeping. Our quest is to make his last months or weeks or days as comfortable and as pleasant as possible. He is reliving much of his life in California - hunting, fishing, boating. Each "fantasy" is somehow related to one of those things and it continues for days. But at the same time he seems to be very present. It is an oddity to me. He knows people but doesnt remember present circumstances.
We are presently, as of two days ago, battling blood clots in the urine. Our really important goal now is to keep that bladder irrigated so that the clots continue to come out rather than blocking the ureter. We do not want to have to hospitalize him which we might have to do if we have to catherize him, so please pray that we will be able to avoid that. We will keep you posted as we go on. Stay tuned....
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