Addendum...

I have just finished re-reading all of the 60 posts that I put on this blog. My word! I thought I was a good speller and a decent editor. I guess I have gotten used to "spell check" on my computer. Well, I will tell you that I now know how to spell alleviate, consciousness, and every time, not to mention care giver. Thank you all for your adventuresome spirits in plowing through my misspellings and other errors. I will say that I found it inordinately difficult to edit this thing. My memory is not the best at this point and it seemed that I had to re-learn the "how to" every time.

As I read through each blog, I was struck by how many times I asked for special prayers for a specific situation and how quickly that situation improved. I can now see the umbrella of prayer that was surrounding and covering us. Thank you so much. For some reason, I plan to print this "journal" to keep for posterity. I am not sure why except maybe I think I will need reminding of how blessed we were during this time in our lives and how family and friends sustained us by their prayers. There are no words to adequately express what this prayer support meant to us, to me especially. Until I read through what I had written, albeit poorly at times, I was not aware of how acutely our situation was affected by your prayers and God's Grace.
Sometimes in the midst of the battle, we just move forward in Faith; we have little time to analyse. It always helps when there are others on the perimeter who lift us and sustain us when we are unable to do so ourselves.

Thank you all.

The streets are paved with gold....

Hi, folks, apologies for such a delay. I wanted to let each of you faithful readers know that Kenny's wake and funeral were beautiful. He had full military honors - including the 21 gun salute, done by retired military men almost as old as he was. It was so poignant. Those who attended the service told us that it was the loveliest they had attended. It was uplifting with lots of music. I think Papa would have approved.

We found out that our IT person at church videoed the entire service and has it on a disc. If any of you would like to see it, please just let us know. I am planning to send one to Denver for all of the Colorado Biddle - Kitzman - McGinty branch of the family who were so dear to him. I would be happy to send one to anyone else who may want it. I promised to send the addresses for the memorials and I have not done that till now:

Mercy Hospice and Palliative Care
PO Box 50640
Myrtle Beach, SC 29579

St Paul's Episcopal Church
Memorial Fund
710 Main Street
Conway, SC 29526

Before I close, let me say for Larry and me both, that serving Papa was at times a challenge, but challenges make us better, stronger people. It was also a priviledge, one that under other circumstances we might not have experienced. It has taught us lessons in patience,humility and gratitude. It has served as a reminder to us that the elderly in our families are true blessings and a treasured resource for us and our children, a link to the past that once severed is gone forever. We were so blessed by his reminiscences of a time gone by, of experiences of a young man growing up in the depression that influenced the way he lived the rest of his life. Our children and grandchildren have been blessed by his and Hyrtha's presence in their lives, an opportunity missed by so many families in our country these days. We are grateful. We have also been blessed by you all who took time from your busy lives to log on and keep abreast of what was happening in his and our lives. You loved him too and he knew it. Thank you for caring so much for us all. God bless each of you. We treasure your friendship more than you will ever know.

Hello, Heaven. Here I come!

Kenny went home to his Lord and his Honey this afternoon at 4:41 after having last rites administered by our priest, Fr. Tripp Jeffords. He went peacefully with Larry and me as well as Dr. Sasser at his side. Even at the last his stubborn body kept saying, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can take one more breath." What a guy! And what a legacy he leaves behind for us but also for his grandchildren and his great grandchildren as well as his nieces, nephews and grand nieces and nephews (whom he considered his grandchildren too.) All of us have such fond memories of him and to honor him I hope that each of you will spend time remembering the great stories that he told all of us. I want to tell you that a couple of months ago, Papa said to me, "Ginny, there are two tuxedos in my closet. I want to be buried in one of them. You choose." So needless to say we will bring him back here to the house in Conway in his tuxedo, to await his funeral or his "going home celebration" as some of us southerners call it on Friday, September 11, Patriot Day - which we find proper considering his military service during WWII. It is fitting that we honor him on that day.

His service, which the kids decided would be with military honors, will be at our church - St. Paul's Episcopal, with burial following just up the street from our house (and the church) at Lakeside Cemetary. We are asking that folks not send flowers but instead send a donation to either Mercy Hospice or St. Paul's Memorial Fund. (I will get the addresses to you on Friday.)

Our entire family thanks all of you from the bottom of our hearts for your faithfulness in following the blog and keeping in touch with us. We are humbled and grateful for your presence in Kenny's life and in ours.

I will probably not write again until after the service on Friday. At that time I will gather up the loose threads of this blog and sign off. Till then, God bless you all.

I fell asleep last night...

Kenny was so much worse yesterday that I called Larry home from the mountains. By the time he arrived, I was so drained, I fell asleep and completely forgot about all you bloggers who were waiting with bated breath, I am sure.

Yesterday was not a good day. Papa has begun to show evidence of that ominous chest rattle that you hear about when death approaches. He awakened me early Sunday morning (by way of the monitor) with this awful chocking sound. I stumbled into his room and realized immediately what was happening. He remained in a semi-comatose state almost the entire day. He became semi-lucid long enough to berate me for not letting him hold the water jug. At the time I was giving him water through a syringe and had emptied it. He would not let me refill it. He wanted to keep "pouring" it in his mouth. I was so delighted that he awoke enough to fuss at me. He has had no food or drink other than precious little water for three days now. He is putting out little urine and is producing more and more mucus as the day goes on. We have no other recourse than to finally admit that Kenny is dying. I do not think he can survive many more hours, certainly no more than a day. I will update tonight after the doctor has been here. The nurses and aides all agree that this is truly the beginning of the end. Keep Larry and Kenny in your prayers. Pray that Jesus will meet Papa soon and lead him home...in peace.

Good new! Chariots a-coming and I don't want it to leave me behind....

Last night was a very peaceful night. Kenny slept well until about 6 AM. I got up several times during the night just to make sure he was still breathing. He seemed peaceful and calm. At 6 I changed him and gave him a dose of Methadone and he went back to sleep until about 10 AM at which time he said he was hungry. He only ate four spoonsful of oatmeal and drank a little chocolate milk and wanted no more. He spent the rest of the day in a semi-awake state. He is able to communicate sometimes quite lucidly for about 2 minutes and then it seems as if he just goes off to some other place and/or time. He asked me to get him up once (which I am unable to do anymore because he is so weak; he cannot help himself at all.) I explained to him that I could not lift him and he seemed to not care one way or the other. It may be that by the time I finished explaining, he was off in his other world. He is seeing something that I cannot see because he keeps reaching for it. I asked him what he saw; he said it was something soft and fuzzy. Maybe angels do have wings!

He is not nearly so cold as he has been in the past. I have had the thermostat turned up a bit and have left the doors to the front porch open. There has been a nice breeze in addition to the fact that we seem to be having a few early autumn days here in Murrells Inlet. The pups and I sat out on the porch most of the morning with the monitor so that I could hear him if he needed me but I could enjoy the gorgeous day and nice breeze. It was a nice reward for me since I did not get to go to the mountains as we had planned. Mountains or Marsh...both have been God's gift to me this summer. Not a bad deal at all.

I am not at all sure where we are going in the short term. I do feel very strongly that he is weaker every day and is less and less present. The times of lucidity are few and fleeting. Most of his "awake" time is spent staring at something that we are unable to see. He seems at peace which is a blessing for us all. He appears to be waiting...for Jesus, I think.

When my way grows dream, Precious Lord, linger near. When my life is almost gone, hear my cry, hear my call, hold my hand lest I fall...Lead me home.

Time is slipping away as is Kenny's sojourn here on earth. Today, he did manage to drink some chocolate milk and ate a bit of Maltomeal for breakfast, but that was the extent of the physical nourishment he got today. However, he was blessed with much spiritual food. Loran, his Hospice chaplain came over while my precious friend Ann was here and was still here when Chad and Savannah (and later Jessie) arrived. It was such a blessing to have all of them around his bed, loving him and wishing him on his way. Loran has such a warm spirit and such a call to ministry to those like Kenny. He has been such a gift to us during these last few months.

I sat in Papa's rocking chair after everyone had left and just kind of hummed and sang to him. He seems to be so at peace. But he did say to Jessie when she came back after taking Chad to meet his friend, "Let's get this show on the road." As I said, he is ready. I told him there was nothing to be worried about. He would just leave one room and move into another much more beautiful and wonderful He replied, "I know that!" And he does.

Today was the second day that Ann has come by. She, like Loran, has such a spirit. She is so loving to Papa. She brought him flowers yesterday. Today she just brought herself which was even better. She has just been an incredible source of strength for me. As I said last night, we are truly blessed to have the support of friends and loved ones. I do not know if Kenny will make it through the weekend or maybe next week. It is so difficult to say but I do know that when death comes, it will come as a welcome friend, not an enemy, because it will simply come to loose him from the bonds of earth and allow him to go home. That is the hope of all of us who know not only who we are but whose we are.

When the darkness appears and the night draws near,
And the day is past and gone.
At the river I stand,
Guide my steps, hold my hand.
Take my hand, Precious Lord, lead me home.
~Tommy Dorsey~

I'm comin', I'm comin', for my head is bended low....

Today Kenny has been unable to leave his bed. He is back in diapers but not incontinent, just simply too weak to get up. Colleen came back this afternoon to check on him. He BP is no longer elevated and his heart rate is down to 54 today and is very regular, which in itself is an anomaly. He normally has an erratic heart rate but since day before yesterday when it decreased to 60 beats per minute, it has been slow but regulated...with the pacemaker, who knows. Maybe at the lower rate, it doesn't kick in. (You in the medical field know a heck of a lot more than I do. My speculation shows my ignorance, I am sure.)

He has eaten nothing and other than water to chase the Methadone every four hours, he has had nothing to drink. He complained about pain in his feet and lower legs but I think that was cramps from being in the same position for a number of hours.
I have not given him his regular medicine since last night at bedtime because his cognitive function is so poor that I cannot keep his attention long enough to get the meds in him. As I said, he is sleeping mostly and when I say sleeping, I mean it is almost like a coma...not an actual coma but he is so deeply asleep that he seems unconcious.

I ask your prayers for him. Please pray that God will be merciful and let him come home. Again, my own prayer for him is that he will go to bed in Murrells Inlet and wake up in Heaven. Gloria Deo.

Precious Lord, take my hand, lead me on help me stand. I am tired; I am weary; I am worn...Lead me on, Precious Lord, Lead me home.

We think we are seeing the beginning of the final days. Kenny has grown steadily weaker in the past few weeks, but yesterday it was much more noticeable and today was a very poor day for him. His heart rate has slowed a bit; his attention span has dropped to almost nothing. He can barely help himself do anything and this morning he told me to call the undertaker, that he was dying. I gave him a nitroglycerine tablet to put under his tongue for chest pain and gave him an atavan for anxiety. His BP was elevated for a while (unusual for him) and each time I took his pressure I noticed that the pulse rate was slowing. He eventually calmed and went to sleep and slept all day. He had little to eat other than half a peach and half a bowl of Maltomeal for breakfast - a rarity since he normally eats a huge breakfast. I was supposed to accompany Larry tomorrow on the plane with the Coastal Carolina University football team to the Kent State game tomorrow night but in light of his declining condition, I have decided to forego the trip. My leaving tends to add to his anxiousness. Because of the seriousness of this decline, I will be giving short reports every day or two. Kenny has a history of making liars out of the docs and me so it is within the realm of possibility that he will bounce back. However, because of his strong desire to leave us for Heaven, I will be surprised if he is here in October. For our sakes, I hope I am wrong; for his, I pray I am right.

The Mercy Hospice personel have been just splendid as usual. Colleen, his nurse, came back this afternoon to give me some moral support, I think. I had begun to realize that I could not leave him in someone else's hands. I felt so much better when I got her report because it bears out what I have observed as a layperson. What a ministry it is to be a Hospice Doctor, Nurse, CNA, Chaplain, Social Worker or Volunteer. There is a real sense of spirituality and compassion for the ill and the elderly with every one of these people. The lady who runs it thinks it is just a business...I for one am glad she stays away from the patients. I know that it has to be run as a business but it is so much more. I thank God for all of the wonderful folks that have touched our lives through Papa's illness and through Mercy Hospice.